Gunplumber's Biographical Information

Gunplumber's Biographical Information
by Gunplumber's Mom

I've been reading some very angry accusations on the internet - from anonymous pukes of course - in my day a MAN would stand behind his statements, not hide in cowardly anonymity whilst hurling libelous statements from behind a keyboard. . . . well . . . . we didn't have keyboards then - but you get my point. Anyway, I digress. This troll alleges my darling little boy was telling tall tales. So I pulled him away from his Legos and Mr. Roger's Neighborhood , sat him down on my lap, looked him straight in the eye, and asked "Markypooh, my little dear, are you playing "world of make-believe with the grown-ups again?" He sadly admitted that indeed he was and so I have put this little page together to set things straight. He really can be a good little boy when he wants to and I hope you can find forgiveness in your hearts for him. He starts kindergarden in September and I would like all this meaness put behind him, less he be further traumatized (when his kitten Fluffy got run over by the garbage truck, he was in shock for weeks!).

This is not Mark's BA from CSUF. Its obviously a clever forgery he put together on his Etch-a-Sketch to fool the unwary.

This is not Mark's MA from CSUSB. It also is a clever forgery. He is really good with those Crayolas!

This is not Mark's DD214 from a previous discharge. He must have secret access in his playhouse to Department of Defense computers. I'll look into it.

This is not part of Mark's DA 2-1. He must have sweet-talked the S-1s at the all the units he was never in to perpetrate this fraud.

This is not another part of Mark's DA 2-1 (see above).

This is not Mark's award of the IDF Parachute Badge. Must have snuck over to a Tz'Hal office and slipped the official stamps into his Osh-Kosh overalls.

This is not a picture of Mark during an International Paratrooper program on a Tanker base in Israel on the Syrian Border. It was cut and pasted from a Barney Coloring book.

This also is not a picture of Mark during an International Paratrooper program on a Tanker base in Israel on the Syrian Border. I'm not sure, but I think he took the picture from a Teletubby Sticker Book.

This is not a newspaper clipping of Mark during an International Paratrooper program on the drop zone at Palmachem. Nor is that Major LaGrassa of C/3/12. Its not really Hebrew, either - just random scrawlings with his crayon that happened to LOOK like a newspaper clipping.

This is not a picture of Mark as an M-60 Machinegunner in Weapons Squad, Third Platoon, Alpha Company, 3rd Battalion, 75th Infantry (Ranger) (Airborne) 1986-1988. Couldn't be since he was never there. Maybe its really "Racer X" (little did Speed Racer know that Racer X was really his older brother Rex, who ran away from home years, years ago. . .)

This is not Mark's Diploma from Ranger School. Gosh but isn't my darlin' good with them crayons. After all, even if he was there (which he wasn't), he would have "washed out" by not being able to uphold the high standards of the his Ranger Regiment. The other possibility is that the standards are so low and the program such a farce that even a little scamp like Marky-poo could skate through it - if he went, but I don't want to think about that.

This is not Mark's Diploma from the Special Forcess Assesment and Selection Course. Since only the highest qualified and motivated soldiers in the army are even permitted to try out - its obviously a forgery too. Mark is too busy watching cartoons and throwing Tinkertoys to play with the big boys.

This is not a picture of Mark with his 6th Grade Class. How silly. Its just some strange man with the same name.

This is not a picture of my grandaughter Kelly with Mark's FAL

I hope this has cleared up any confusion. Mark has never been anything, done anything, gone anywhere, and everything he has ever said has just been a figment of his wild imagination fragily supported by a vast quantity of completely fake official documentation created with the collusion of six states, three federal agencies, and a foreign government.

Sincerely,

Mark's Mom

PS: I'm sure its just a coincidence that this troll began his anonymous flames immediately after Mark posted a review of a particular company's product that identified flaws in workmanship and dimensional tolerances.

Gunplumber's Biographical Information by Gunplumber's Mom

Gunplumber's Biographical Information
by Gunplumber's Mom